When Losing a Pet Feels Like Losing Family: Understanding Pet Grief and How Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Can Help
Written by Lauren Suraci, RN Psychotherapist, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
For many people, pets are not just companions; they are part of the family. They are present in daily routines, offer consistent companionship, and often provide a sense of comfort that feels steady and nonjudgmental. Because of this, the loss of a pet can be deeply painful, even though it is sometimes misunderstood or minimized by others.
Pet loss can bring about a range of emotional responses, including sadness, guilt, loneliness, and even a sense of disorientation as daily routines shift. While grief following the death of a loved one is widely recognized, grief following the loss of a pet is not always acknowledged in the same way. This can leave individuals feeling as though their emotional response is disproportionate or difficult to share openly. However, research continues to demonstrate that the human–animal bond is meaningful and that the loss of a pet can result in significant grief responses (Packman et al., 2011).
Understanding how grief unfolds in this context, along with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can support individuals through this experience, can help normalize these reactions and provide a framework for coping.
Why Pet Loss Can Feel So Intense
The relationship between humans and their pets is often characterized by consistency, emotional closeness, and shared daily life. Pets may be present during both ordinary and significant life moments, offering companionship without the complexity that can sometimes exist in human relationships. For some individuals, pets also serve as important sources of emotional regulation and attachment (Field et al., 2009).
When a pet dies, the loss is not only emotional but also practical. Daily routines change, the home environment feels different, and the absence can be felt in quiet, unexpected moments. These changes can intensify the grieving process and contribute to a sense of emptiness or loss of structure.
Why Pet Grief Can Feel Complicated
One of the unique aspects of pet grief is that it is often minimized, either by others or by the individual themselves. Comments such as “it was just a pet” can unintentionally invalidate the depth of the relationship, making it harder for individuals to express their grief openly.
This can lead to what is described as disenfranchised grief, where the loss is not fully recognized or supported socially (Cameron, 2025). As a result, individuals may feel isolated in their experience or question whether their emotional response is appropriate (Wu & Song, 2025).
In addition to external invalidation, internal thought patterns can also shape how grief is experienced. Individuals may find themselves thinking:
- “I should have done more.”
- “I let them down.”
- “I should have noticed something sooner.”
- “I will never feel that connection again.”
These thoughts are understandable, particularly in the context of loss, but they can also intensify emotional distress when left unexamined.
How Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Can Help
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a well-established, evidence-based approach that targets patterns of thinking and behaviour that can influence emotional experience (Beck, 2011). It is not about removing grief or “fixing” emotional pain. Grief is a natural and meaningful response to loss. Instead, CBT offers a way to better understand the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours during this time.
In the context of pet loss, CBT can help individuals:
- Identify and gently examine unhelpful or distressing thought patterns
- Differentiate between thoughts and facts
- Reduce self-blame and guilt
- Support re-engagement with daily routines over time
Research suggests that CBT-informed approaches can be helpful in addressing complicated grief reactions by targeting maladaptive thinking patterns and supporting adaptive coping (Boelen et al., 2006).
Working with Grief-Related Thoughts
During grief, the mind often searches for explanations or ways to make sense of the loss. This can lead to self-critical or absolute thoughts, particularly when individuals feel responsible for what happened.
CBT does not ask individuals to dismiss these thoughts. Instead, it encourages noticing them and, over time, creating space to consider alternative perspectives. For example, thoughts such as “I should have done more” may reflect a deep desire to have protected or cared for a beloved pet, rather than an objective assessment of what actually occurred.
A more balanced perspective might include recognizing that decisions were made with the information and resources available at the time. This shift is not about minimizing responsibility, but about allowing for a more compassionate and realistic understanding of the situation.
Similarly, thoughts such as “I will never feel that connection again” often reflect the depth of the bond that was lost. While no relationship is replaceable, CBT-informed approaches may support individuals in recognizing that the capacity for meaningful connection remains, even if it feels distant in the moment.
Moving Through Pet Grief
Grief does not follow a linear path, and there is no timeline for when it should resolve. For some individuals, maintaining connection through memories, rituals, or meaningful objects can be helpful. For others, gradually returning to routines or engaging in supportive relationships may feel more manageable.
CBT-informed strategies can support individuals in navigating this process with greater awareness of how thoughts influence emotional experience, while also encouraging a gradual return to meaningful activities.
Importantly, therapy is not about moving on from the loss, but about finding ways to carry the relationship forward in a way that feels meaningful and manageable.
Final Thoughts
The loss of a pet can be a profound and deeply personal experience. While it may not always be recognized in the same way as other forms of loss, the emotional impact is valid and deserving of care and attention.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy offers one approach to supporting individuals through this process, not by removing grief, but by helping individuals relate to their thoughts and emotions with greater understanding and compassion. With time and support, it is possible to navigate this loss while maintaining connection to what the relationship meant.
References
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond.
Boelen, P. A., de Keijser, J., van den Hout, M. A., & van den Bout, J. (2006). Treatment of complicated grief: A comparison between cognitive-behavioral therapy and supportive counseling. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(2), 277–284. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.74.2.277
Cameron D. (2025). Disenfranchised Grief and Meaning Reconstruction in the Wake of Animal Loss. Omega. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228251410992
Field, N. P., Orsini, L., Gavish, R., & Packman, W. (2009). Role of attachment in response to pet loss. Death Studies, 33(4), 334–355. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481180802712305
Packman, W., Field, N. P., Carmack, B. J., & Ronen, R. (2011). Continuing bonds and psychosocial adjustment in pet loss. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 16(4), 341–357. https://doi.org/10.1080/15325024.2011.572046
Wu, X., & Song, Y. (2025). Understanding grief after pet loss: The role of social support and emotional processing. Behavioral Sciences, 15(4), 431. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs15040431